packing & discovering

i am packing & let me tell you, it's been a trip! i am pretty organized, but there are a few boxes i haven't riffled through in quite a while... hellloooo memory lane! elementary school class photos made me giggle out loud! when i unpack my scanner, watch out! i don't even know how they made their way to the 33401. i thought they were in my parents basement with the rest of my book reports on JFK & old ballet slippers. i've found fun memories & have tossed so much. packing is cathartic!

i am leaving florida on a high note. i am really excited & thankful for this next adventure, but honestly, i'm equally as scared. i am really sad about leaving people i love. but i know in my heart geography is no match for true friendship. and the best adventure stories have a little mystery to them.

all changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. -anatole france (french writer, member of the french academy & nobel prize for literature in 1921, 1844-1924).

and isn't that so true? this is a bittersweet reality for me. there are a few hopes and dreams on my life list, & a lifestyle where i can be inspired & share that via the creative arts is on the list.
when this art opportunity came my way, i came to a point of reckoning. if i was going to do this, i was really going to have to dive in 100 percent at this stage of the game. i was talking to my sister this morning & we were saying how the start of something new comes at the expense of ending something else - all in hopes of what could be...

i have come to learn something about myself - i cannot rest in the ordinary. by ordinary, i don't mean simple, b/c i adore simple. i just mean that there are people & places & lives we are all called to & we have to be brave enough to follow what has been put inside of us. sure, nothing is perfect, but we all have a chance to engage life fully at our core. i want a small & simple life, but i want it to be an inspired one.  i feel it in the deepest part of my stomach that it is time to move. FINALLY! i am so excited to go back north.  lots of great places were on the list, but as i sifted through my options last year, it was wild how i felt a distinct peace about philadelphia at this point in time.   

i thought about the david wilcox song hold it up to the light, as i've been packing...

it's the choice of a lifetime - i'm almost sure
i will not live my life in between anymore
if i can't be certain of all that's in store
this far it feels so right
so i will hold it up - hold it up to the light,
hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

see, the search for my future has brought me here
this is more than i'd hoped for, but sometimes i fear
that the choice i was made for will someday appear
but then i'd be too late for that flight
so i'll just hold it up - hold it up to the light,
hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

cause it's too late - to be stopped at the crossroads
where each life here is a possible way
and if i wait, then they all will be lost roads
as each road's getting shorter the longer i stay

but now as soon as i'm moving - my choice is good
as this way comes through right where i prayed that it would
if I keep my eyes open and look where i should
somehow all of the signs are in sight
if i just hold it up to the light

i said God, will you bless this decision?
i'm so scared here, with my life at stake?
but now i see if you gave me a vision
than i would never have reason to use my faith?

i was dead with deciding - afraid to choose
i was mourning the loss of the choices i'd lose
but there's no choice at all if i don't make my move
and trust that the timing is right
yes and hold it up hold it up to the light
hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

i found a box of old cards, & one from my sister reminded me that this leap i am taking has been in me all along. maybe i needed to get to the place where personal courage & divine opportunity intersected. spark. we know those moments. and so i am not letting this one pass. a page gets turned, fears & questions included... & the story continues...

the front of the card has two young girls in flowered dresses holding bags under an umbrella. it is pouring rain. they have on little patent leather mary janes with those white ruffle ankle socks, just like our mom would put us in at that age.

happy birthday regina:)
thanks for always being my big sis no matter what. you are special & full of love. never change, always be you. stay unique, it suits you well. i pray you have a great b-day. i love you always. you are truly a blessing.
your little sis:)
ps: that's us shopping:) i of course am the one w/ the bags & you are the responsible one who brought the umbrella:)


ha! she arrives to west palm beach tomorrow to help me move & i will be so grateful to see her face & make a little shenanigans before the trek north... i was sitting in a sea of boxes when she phoned today asking if we had room for her sea horse luggage. i started laughing so hard i began to gasp for air. she is simply a stitch!